EastEnders – Weekdays BBC1

Monday

Lucas is still holding Denise hostage in the cellar of the flat and Chelsea suggests that they sort through Denise's things which upsets Libby (as she wants to catch up on what's been happening in Hollyoaks first)

Elsewhere Darren is upset with Jodie after she ran out on him but, after a chat with Max Jodie returns and explains to Darren that he's only got a small todger (sorry) that all her previous boyfriends have been Jewish and he's just not up to scratch in that department (no, it’s definitely his todger!)

Tuesday

Phil and Peggy are visited by a social worker who informs them that Louise's mother Lisa wants to see her but Phil insists that Louise is unstable (in case you hadn't noticed Phil your entire family's unstable!)

It's Libby's birthday this week but she's not in the mood to celebrate. Patrick buys her a Silver locket and she breaks down when she opens it (she really wanted the 'Now That’s What I Call Music' CD instead) and Darren starts thinking about circumcision to please Jodie (ouch!)

Thursday

Louise starts asking questions about the recent social worker visit and Phil reassures her that they're not going to send her back into care (where she'd be better off, away from the Adams Family)

Jodie tells Darren that she wants to remain friends but Darren wants more (that's bedroom action to you and me) and they both kiss and make up, but why is Abi upset when she sees them together?

Friday

Phil and Peggy are worried when they visit Ben in the detention centre to find him battered and bruised (remind you of anything Phil?) and Peggy gets even more bad news when she finds a for sale board up above the Queen Vic on her return home.

Liz confides in Dot that she can't face the constant reminder of where Owen was buried in the square and that she's decided to return to Spain (presumably to pursue her dream of becoming a part-time Bull Fighter) and Darren tells Jodie he's more than happy to hold off on having sex with her (and that Pam will always be on hand in the meantime)

Coronation Street - Weekdays ITV1

Monday

Lewis is backed into a corner when Audrey reveals their plans regarding Greece to everyone and he tells her he's worried about how they're going to pay for it all but Audrey tells him money is not an issue (kerching!!) but the Platt family are understandably concerned about Lewis's true intentions towards Audrey.

Fiz tries to persuade John (John being his real name now) to ask Roy for his old job back (as a skivvy) but is he still telling lies to her (wakey wakey Fiz) and Carla and Nick continue to fight over the factory ('those are MY knickers, no they're not, there MINE')

Wednesday

Things go from bad to worse for John when Colin (whose identity he borrowed) turns up demanding £2000 but John hasn't got that kind of money lying around (what about offering Colin a fake passport instead John?)

Maria's back at the salon which starts arguments amongst the staff which results in Audrey not being able to wait to get away from it all to Greece and Liz continues to get more male attention in the Rovers due to the 'Facescene' page set-up by Sean. 

Friday

Charlotte offers John £500 pounds towards the £2000 he needs to pay Colin off so he can escape Weatherfield (I'd have left for a fiver a long time ago) but things don't go according to plan when Colin turns up and things get a little out of hand to say the least (oh so that's what wheelie bins are designed for!) and is there love on the horizon for Ches?

Emmerdale – Weekdays ITV1

Monday

Sam's out in Home Farm grounds this week with Alfie the Dingle's faithful dog and he discovers a dead body (unfortunately it's not Nathan's) but who's is it? Marlon informs the Dingles that Shadrach has finally died (and gone to that great big pub in the sky) and Diane decides she needs a holiday after all she's been through.

Tuesday

Natasha returns from holiday with Declan to find the Police waiting to question her about the body in Home Farm grounds (thankfully for her it's only Dixon of Dock Green who's come round to investigate so she finds it easy to lie to them) and the Dingles adjust to life without Shadrach (now that there's more room in the fridge for food instead of Shadrach's cans of lager)

Wednesday

David gives Leyla a helping hand to get her new shop ready for opening but judging by the way he's dressed when she and Rodney arrive it looks more like a strip club she should be opening. The Police start investigating Mark's death and Faye thinks she has been set-up by Natasha and Nathan. Will their plan to frame her back fire (or is Faye just off her head?) Also Cain decides it's time for a small bonfire to get rid of some vital evidence.

Thursday

Nathan refuses to co-operate with the Police's investigation (presumably into why Sting broke the band up when they were doing so well) and is promptly arrested. Meanwhile Natasha tells Maisie and Will the truth and that Nathan is innocent.

Elsewhere Nicola is struggling with her new role behind the bar (you have to be able to smile at customers apparently) and Doug receives yet more rejections from job applications (how about a job as a male jiggalo Doug?)

Friday

Will thinks that Nathan killed their Father (yeah he did it alright) but the Police have no evidence (no of course he had nothing to do with it) so promptly release Nathan to return to Home Farm  and Eve gets a job in a lap-dancing club which seems to please Carl no end (saucy!)

This Weeks TV Schedule

For a full list of what's on TV this week check out the Radio Times

Enjoy your week!